A home without bones
Sometimes “help me” is tethered to the body even when the voice says “I’m OK.”
I’m about ready to blow my life up. I remember saying this to a friend in jest one morning mulling over the gravity of what I was about to do.
I’d spent over eight years building the career of my dreams as a photographer/videographer. Five leaning into the edges as a full-time freelancer and finally, in 2022, had built a portfolio that saw me booked out months in advance, travelling nationally and internationally, luxe accomodation, amazing clients, and a career that cracked over the elusive six-figure mark anchored in sacred ceremony and ritual events.
And, I was ready to give it all up.
Not because I hated it - I still cannot fathom that this is the way I get to experience life.
I spent most of 2022 in exclusive retreats. Soaking in the juiciness of some of the worlds best facilitators in the spiritual and holistic business space. A total of 26 retreats in amongst commercial campaigns and personal branding shoots - financially, it was a litty year.
Emotionally, it was chaos.
Spending the majority of your time witnessing the lives of everyone else, but yourself, is especially difficult if you leave no space to process the fallout of a long-term relationship and the multitude of metaphorical deaths that occur.
We so often forget that grief and growth are one in the same, there is always something we must be willing to part with in order to meet ourselves on the other side.
Even now, it’s still a practice to remind myself that it’s a gift to feel so deeply. To allow yourself to be changed by things you may never have imagined. To tether your soul into the abyss of grief and wait for it to appear.
To allow space for your heart to be invested, gaining interest.
Taking a sabbatical to redefine who I am, away from everything that felt comfortable was the only way I could truly allow a full reset after years of beating my nervous system into believing we lived for making a storm out of our safety.
Creating my own personal rebellion by allowing time to float in the unknown; to sift through who I am in the most unfamiliar places; to digest what it’s like to not know any answers (or how to speak the native language); to flail around a little aimlessly in this season that honours being in true joy while I figure out a new ways to pivot the way I want to be in this world, is one of the most liberating and terrifying things I’ve done.
So here we are. A place for musings to live and perhaps breathe, sigh, moan or maybe even grunt in unison with you.
A home without bones to mark important memories on the road. A raw digest of what unfolds when you rip out your anchors to live a like untethered, indefinitely elsewhere.
Thank you for being here.
Chloe x
